Forgiveness- head to heart!

A friend (Steve) and I get together every Wednesday morning for about an unscripted hour before our days begin. I am finding it much preferable to the canned and formatted meetings I have been accustomed to over my long religiously oriented life span. We just fell upon each other. He moved here from the great white north last year. Maybe it was that in our introduction we found a number of things in common or maybe not. There is one old guy and one young guy. One of us will burst into song or poetry or just quiet reflection and prayer. It isn’t uncommon for tears to be streaming down our faces or belly laughter. No rules. No agenda, just two guys finding friendship and encouragement in each others company, and learning from each other how to be better husbands, fathers and lovers. I guess if there were any agenda it would be that we are actually learning how to live loved. Hmm, I guess I had never thought about that.

Now I personally have been in a business funk lately that on most days feels to have been without beginning or ending. It has become my new norm. Once upon a time I had great ideas that usually panned out but over the past six or seven years I have lost my magic. I was rehearsing to Steve the story of how my former employee had ripped me off. He was a young man with much potential that had been referred to me by trusted friends. All of his references checked out and I had him come into my Charlotte store as the store manager. He was a Godsend and his participation in the business was so timely. It wasn’t long before I was treating him like a son and turning more and more of the business into his capable hands. He signed a non compete with me and I envisioned him becoming a partner and eventually running the business.

He was also the youth pastor in a local church and he told me a beautiful story one day about how he had come to Christ. His former job had him working for a national window company as a regional rep and he was becoming their up and coming wonder boy in the corporation. But he had seen opportunity to pad sales and also to make some money under the table and had been caught in the act. He was called into the boardroom one day and when he noticed all the owners and superiors in the room he immediately knew what was going on. When confronted with the evidence the room went dark and he fell on his knees. He said that immediately he looked up and saw a nail scarred hand reaching down towards him. It was in that moment of incredible mercy that he resolved to give his life to Christ. End of the story he lost his 6 digit income but found his Savior and gained wealth beyond measure, the pearl found in the field, worth giving up every thing for. Great Story!

Like I said, I loved the guy like a son and entrusted him with our store. Long story short, within a year and a half my business was suffering. It was a start up and like most start-ups was very fragile any ways. We were just beginning to experience a slow down in new construction that had been our bread and butter. As we slowed down in sales our finances became more and more critical. I finally resolved that I needed to get back involved and as difficult as it was I was forced into the decision of letting this young man go. I had offered him a position as a strait commission sales person but he felt it best for himself personally to find employment with a salary elsewhere.

On his last day with me I received a letter from my number one installer who thanked me for the opportunity of working for me and also informed me that he and my manager were launching a similar new business as partners. (This installer took about 48 hours to realize that he had made a mistake and immediately and sincerely apologized. He still is our number one installer.) Now this came as a surprise. When I got to the office on the Monday I found that my manager had wiped the computer clean and the light began to dawn on me that I had been had. As the days turned into weeks I began to discover that my manager had robbed me blind. I now know what that means. The list was a long one. Cash money taken from customers under the table, Changing of paper work to hide the trail. Leads from my company sold through his new company. Gas, hotels, tools, equipment, vehicle rentals, meals at restaurants and on and on as well as evidence of marital unfaithfulness. Wow, what a surprise! The loss of business and thievery caused me considerable harm but the hardest part of the scenario was the betrayal I felt, from a trusted friend.

It has now been two years since this ordeal. I sat across from him and his wife in a county court house the other day as he declared bankruptcy. I was just one of his creditors but the only one that showed up for the hearing. There wasn’t any love between us at that table. I had won a $60,000. judgment that was now slipping through my fingers because of the bankruptcy. The words spoken at the table were not sweet. I had tried to hold his feet to the fire and was the one getting burned.

It was Wednesday morning and I was sharing with Steve about this guy with not a little sarcasm and frustration. What should I do? How should I hold his feet to the fire? Wouldn’t it be appropriate to for me to let his pastor know ho he had on his staff? What about all those young people? If I were one of their parents I would surely want to know. I was counting off my accusations. He is a liar, a cheat, and a fraud. He is a womanizer. He is a scumbag. He had shown no remorse or repentance. He had been caught with his hand in the jar and had verbally said he was sorry but had made no attempt towards restitution or reconciliation and now he was getting off Scott free what ever that means.

Steve stopped me mid track and asked me “who did you say this guy is?” And he had me repeat my long litany of disgust. “Lloyd” he said, “you are describing me to a T.” Don’t you hate it? Steve went into the story of his life, scumbag, cheat, fraud, womanizer. Darn it! What could I say? Truth can be a painful and shocking experience.

The next day I am making a delivery to a dealer of ours in Myrtle Beach and I find myself driving through the town where this guy lives, and I am praying. “ God I sure don’t like this guy. I don’t have any love for him in my heart. God if you want me to forgive him I guess I can do it in my head but I sure don’t have it in my heart and that’s where it counts. And God I can’t change my heart. Only you can. Please God change my heart.” I am driving along and remembering that I have a daddy in heaven that really loves me and if I really knew He loved me I could trust Him with this whole situation. In fact if I was 5 years old in my dad’s lap this wouldn’t even be a problem. I would be so secure in His arms and would have complete confidence that He was big enough to get me through this whole ordeal. You know what? I am driving down the road and my father begins to speak into my heart. “Lloyd, I was there when you went through this whole ordeal. I felt the betrayal and the loss. I experienced the pain with you. You were not a lone. I was there and I am with you now and you need to know that you are in my care and you will be OK. I am your daddy and you are not a lone.” By this time I am sobbing uncontrollably. God was just loving on me, reminding me who I was and of the relationship we had, and of the fact that He could be trusted with everything. Oh the vividness of that memory as I write it out. I can’t do it justice. It was sweet and endearing. He loves me!

It is interesting that on my return trip as I drove through that town again my thoughts went out to the young man who had done me so much harm. The amazing thing about the story is that some thing had changed in my heart. A miracle had transpired. I began to pray for him and bless him. “ God save this young man from himself. The miracle happened in the 18 inches from my head to my heart. What I couldn’t do from my head I was now able to do from my heart. I was reminded of Jesus having the 12 disciples around him and one of them being a Judas. He didn’t love Judas any more or less than he loved Peter and John. I was also reminded of how much Jesus loved the sinners, Zacheus and the woman at the well and the woman caught in adultery. Sin is it’s own punishment. The man who sin’s dies. It isn’t my job to place judgment on any one. I was reminded of how much the Lord loved the Scribes and Pharisees. In the very portion of scripture where He excoriated them for their hypocrisy He also said “how oft I would have gathered you as a hen gathers her chicks under her wing” with the most genuine and endearing expression of love. Love covers a multitude of sin.

I am still learning. As my mother said in her nineties, “God still has much character to work into me”. He is so good at love! The Beatles were right. Love will change the world. Being loved by God was the only way that doing the right thing could actually become the right thing. God isn’t interested in our religious attempts at righteousness. He is interested in changing our hearts and that is the miracle that happens as we learn to live loved. It is the miracle that he performs in our other wise hard hearts.

Thanks Steve my friend, and thanks to you my Father. I am so loved by you!

And __________ I love you, but much bigger than that you too have a father who loves you more than any one ever has or ever will. There is nothing you can do to make Him love you any more and there is nothing you can do to make Him love you any less. I speak blessing over your life. May God continue to love you into His image and may you grow into the man of God He has called you to be. I forgive you man and love you. You are in my prayers! Live loved my friend!