I'M NOT ALONE!

I watched as my pastor went around the room looking deeply into every man present until his eyes fell on me, gazing deep into my soul. I wanted to run, to look away, but He had such a presence and penetrating gaze. Without any words spoken I knew what He was after. Everyone knew. He was looking for disloyalty as though he were able to discern the thoughts and intents of our hearts. He was looking for the Judas in the room... as he offered us the bread and wine.

This was no ordinary communion service. This was the king and his men in the cave. This was our king needing something from deep inside of each of us, our commitment, our promise, our blood.

I gave him the response he wanted, unspoken but real non the less and it was at that moment I was had, as was every other man in the room that day. I drank that day to my allegiance and eventually my bondage, "not I...the others maybe, but I won't be the one to betray you."

For me it was sooner rather than later that push came to shove....within a few months I discovered to my chagrin that I was the weak link...I wanted to follow the man, would have taken a bullet, I loved him. I didn't overtly betray him. It came more as a question....a misunderstanding. I challenged him, questioning his judgement...actually thinking he would want me to, and that he would appreciate it later. I never saw it as disloyalty or it wouldn't have crossed my mind. But for my pastor, perception was reality. He read it as disloyalty and before I knew it, I was the Judas in the room. And in the end, both mine and his undoing.

This man was asking for more of my soul than I could afford to give him, Most everyone else in the room that day eventually discovered that they too didn't have the goods. But sadly for too many it wasn't until years later.

The last supper had the disciples sitting around the room enjoying His presence as usual, big dreams, high asperations, punching each other for the right to sit next to Him ... Jesus passed out the bread and wine looking deep into their eyes, every intention was to sober them and prepare them for the reality that was upon them. But He wasn't looking for or expecting their commitment and loyalty. In fact He had very low expectations on not just Judas but everyone at the table. He knew every one of them was about to turn tail and run.

The disciples- "Jesus, we believe, we get it...we now understand who you are"....Of coarse Peter was the most vocal....he had just told the Lord "I'll lay down my life for you". Jesus had responded matter of fact "no you won't, you'll deny me three times". He told them that they would all leave Him. "Do you now believe?...The hour is coming when you will be scattered each to his own, and will leave me a lone, YET I'M NOT ALONE."

Jesus wasn't looking for or expecting loyalty. He was stating a fact. He knew they didn't have the goods. He told them they didn't. And then He said it wouldn't be a problem, He was not alone.

He said "Don't let your hearts be troubled." in other words "Don't worry about it. Your commitment is not what I am looking for. I'm not expecting your loyalty. It's OK." He was looking for something more...something much deeper, something they could only learn through failure. He was asking but with very low expectations. "Could you not watch with me for even an hour?...go ahead sleep on."

A few days later after the resurrection they were all again together having breakfast on the beach. Peter's failure and disloyalty was fresh on his mind and Jesus looking deep into Peter's heart popped the question, "Do you love me unconditionally?"

A different Peter responded, "Lord you're my best friend, (I don't know about the unconditional part in your question, but I do love you as a friend.")

Again Jesus asked the same question and a broken Peter responded as before.

The third time Jesus lowered his expectations, "Peter do you love me as a friend?"

"Lord, You know all things, You know ..."

I'm going to suggest that Peter was experiencing Romans chapter 7...you know the chapter that identifies with our flesh's inability to soar above sin.

But I'm also going to suggest that Romans chapter 7 "Failure" is just the prelude to Chapter 8 "triumph". Our failure is the process by which we experience His love and learn to trust, not ourselves but Him, not our righteousness but His, even in the dark."

Our sin doesn't catch Him by surprise. As painful as our sin is to ourselves and to our relationship with him it comes as no surprise to Him. He knows that we will only come to trust after first experiencing the failure that comes from not trusting.

HE WAS NOT ALONE! Note:His security wasn't tied to the loyalty or disloyalty of His disciples. He was One with His Father and his friend Holy Spirit, secure in that relationship and about to provide everything necessary for your and my security as well. He was about to secure the same relationship for us that He had with the Father.

In hind sight what my pastor was asking for that night wasn't his to ask. Jesus never asked it of his followers. He never asked for loyalty. He did not entrust Himself to them. He knew what was in them and He knows that we too cannot be trusted. The meal wasn't and isn't about our commitment to Him. The covenant meal was and is about His commitment to us.

Sin was about to be dealt a crushing blow in the very body of Christ. Sin, the once upon a time champion over the human race, was about to be destroyed. The wrath of God was about to be poured out from heaven against that which was destroying the object of His affection, you and me and the whole human race. And the bread and the wine was a tangible picture of the price He was about to pay in his own body for your and my redemption.

Today during communion He's still not asking for our commitment and loyalty. He is offering His. He isn't looking for anything in us. Instead He has chosen to provide through relationship with himself everything we will ever need. "He became sin for us so we could become the righteousness of God IN Him."

His prayer that night was much bigger....His prayer was for us, that we might be one with Him, "as You Father are in Me, and I am in You....that they may be one just as we are one: I in them and You in me, that they might be made Perfect in one...that the world might believe." He wasn't praying that we would all get along. He was praying that we would get it... His offer is to abide in us as we abide in him.

Our sin, our failures, our lack of stamina, our worry, our laziness, our selfishness, our schizophrenic attempts at righteousness are only symptomatic that we don't have the goods, that we are insecure, and hints at the fact that we are not living loved, (abiding in His love) in those areas of our lives. And I've noticed from my own story it seems to take a lot of failure before I get it. What makes us think that any part of the Christian experience is doable apart from Him

The sin problem was resolved on Calvary Once and for All. He became our sin, our unfaithfulness, our brokenness so we could become one with Him and everything He is...the righteousness of God. Because of the price He paid we are now the pre-qualified recipients of a friendship unequaled in this life, the fellowship of the Father and Son through a friendship with the Holy Spirit. We have been invited to participate in the same relationship that they have shared in for all eternity.

The big news now is I AM NO LONGER ALONE! My source for everything Jesus now lives in me. My commitment and loyalty are no longer my chief concern. Living loved (abiding) is now my chief concern! And as I abide in Him commitment and loyalty are the fruit of that relationship. This is such good news! It doesn't depend on me. My friend the Holy Spirit lives in me and is all I could and will ever be.

And that's the reason the disciples had to experience failure that night two thousand years ago in a garden on the mount of Olives....and the reason you and I experience failure. And that's also the reason the tree with the forbidden fruit was in the center of that other garden, not in the periphery somewhere. He knew that as much as our free will was going to cost Him, and it truly was going to cost Him most, our choosing sin, our disloyalty, our failure, would be the process by which we too would learn to live loved and to trust Him in all things...and learn to dance as Jason says in his book Surrendered and Untamed.....and then become the world changers He dreamed about before the worlds were even created.

Gal 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ, never the less I live, yet not I, but Christ lives in me, and the life which I now live in the flesh, I life by the faith OF the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me....yes it is all Him.

Tongues

Now I was raised Pentecostal and if you are a Pentecostal, tongues is what you seek. You pray as long as it takes until you got “IT.” In those days “IT” was the Holy Ghost. We didn’t talk about Him as if He were a person. We used to sing, “There’s something about the Holy Ghost, I really can’t explain it but I got it.” And when you got the Holy Ghost, you also got tongues. In fact, tongues was the evidence that you had it. You get it?

We had altar calls, first for salivation and then for the Holy Ghost. As a kid my hand went up often when it was time to get the Holy Ghost. I’d go forward and someone would come and pray over me and then listen real close to see if I was talking in tongues. I’d get nervous but eventually I’d start talking in tongues. It was so natural that I could talk in tongues with the rest of them but for some reason I never felt like I got anything special. I guess I wasn’t sure I got “IT.”

So as I grew, I became somewhat of a skeptic. After Bible School I went back to my childhood camp as a counselor. Now Camp had one primary objective - get the kids really jazzed about Jesus and the Holy Ghost. I remember praying over one kid who sincerely wanted to receive the Holy Ghost. I suggested that he just speak whatever word came out of his mouth. By this time, because of Bible School, I knew a whole lot more about the subject. I told him “IT” comes from your belly, not your mind.” He seemed to get a word or two and because it was late in the evening I told him to get by himself in the morning and practice releasing the Holy Spirit.

In the morning the whole camp woke up to the sound of this young man out in the woods speaking in tongues a mile a minute. "There must be some thing to this" I told myself because it definitely was real in him.

After I had moved to Sarnia I continued to pray over people to receive this blessing, while still being somewhat of a skeptic. That was when it happened. I was praying for a young man to receive the Holy Ghost and all of a sudden I heard a new sound coming out of my mouth, words that I had never uttered before. It took me so by surprise and I was so blessed - I became a believer.

For many years it has been a “practice” I have participated in for self-edification, as a prayer language to get me somewhere. I used my prayer language as one of the tools in my belt for when I was in over my head. Lately I am discovering my prayer language as not just the means of accomplishing something bigger than me but an intimate conversation with a friend, from where I am in Him and who He is in me …a point of contact between God and me, the friendship He promised.

Not that I don’t pray in English. Sometimes I wish God would speak English more because I can understand English. I’m also learning that my desire for understanding is often a hindrance when it comes to knowing and living loved.

It is becoming a part of the death of religion in my life. You see, over the years I am discovering that there is nothing religious about the Holy Spirit. He is my best friend and He has promised never to leave me alone.

You’ll now often find me driving the half hour into the office in the morning thoroughly enjoying the nearness of my friend Holy Spirit. I may pray a little in tongues but before long I am laughing and crying as the nearness of His presence enters my consciousness.

My mind may be caught up in the affairs of my day, but as I begin to pray in the Spirit I become tangibly aware of His presence in me in both my reason and my emotions. Now this is where some folks jump ship. They are OK with a mental assent to the truth of His presence with us and in us but some how afraid of their emotions becoming effected....emotionalism it's called.

What I know is that our reason and our emotions are God given. Scripture is clear, "the Kingdom of God is not meat and drink but righteousness, peace and joy, in the Holy Spirit." It is interesting that two of the effects of the Holly Spirit in us are emotional, peace and joy. And I for one am entirely OK with that, in fact I am rather liking it.

He is not only with me. He is in me. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. WOW! He promised that we would not be left orphaned, that He would come to us. We would never be left alone, never. He, the person of the Holy Spirit is our promise! Remember what Jesus said the night He was betrayed?

One minute I am completely unaware of His presence. I may be self-absorbed. I may be in a difficult place and have no awareness of His presence at all and as I begin to pray in the Spirit, faith enters and doubt and fear are displaced as the spoken or unspoken words spill out of my heart. I'm not actually going for the feelings but more often than not when I dwell on this truth, that He is in me, I become tangibly aware of His nearness. My reason and my emotions are impacted and His peace and Joy flood over my soul. The tangible doubt and fear are displaced by His tangible peace and joy and I know again that I truly am loved by God.

Why is it reasonable for us to have our emotions impacted by fear, doubt, worry, depression, anger etc. all feelings that are a wet blanket over our day and yet be afraid of having our emotions charged by the tangible and real Holy Spirit? It isn't reasonable. That reasoning is based in fear and a lie.

Now it isn’t about the formula, it's about the friendship. LOL He is the “I Am.” I am not alone and will never again be alone. This is the truth! His presence is in me! As I let Him embrace me, the atmosphere around me changes. By the time I arrive at the office I have to compose myself and dry the tears lest they all think I’ve lost my mind. He is becoming my leaning place, my sweet spot. The more I learn to lean on Him or abide in Him….in His love, the more he loves through me. It is called living loved!

But when with the rest of you, I’ll speak in English.

Following Jesus is scary ...without our friend

Following Jesus is scary ...without my friend.

But having Him live in me takes the scary out of it.

When my kids were little and there was scary talk of ghosts usually around the Halloween season, I always reminded them that our good friend Holy Ghost was stronger than all of the other ghosts and he lived inside of us. We never needed to be afraid.

How do you keep following Jesus when there seems to be so many scary contradictions and unexpected turns in the road? You just start to get comfortable in the journey, you think that you are beginning to understand and then He takes you down an unexpected side road….a short cut through uncharted territory. I am beginning to understand that understanding is over rated.

I have to first get past the nagging question of His love for me. Once that is settled I can begin to be OK with the turns in the road and Trust Him on the journey.

I understand firsthand the problem the disciples had in following Him and believing. Following Jesus is hard. Our understanding and perspective is so limited.

-Why, when everyone was already inebriated turn more water into wine?

-Why didn’t Jesus rescue His friend John? He healed the sick, raised the dead, walked on water, multiplied the loaves and fishes and calmed the sea but where was he when his cousin was in jail and about to be beheaded?

-Why did Jesus refer to the Samaritan woman as a dog when she was asking for help?

-Why did Jesus ask the disciples if they had a sword and when they responded, “yes” say that one was enough and then when Peter chose to use it rebuke him for it?

-What were the disciples to think when Jesus spoke in such ridiculous terminology like “eat my flesh and drink my blood” with no explanation?

-What were they to think when known prostitutes fawned all over him and the sinners partied and yucked it up in His presence?

-It is easy to understand why the disciples were furious over the wasting of the pricey and precious ointment on Jesus, which could have been sold for a good sum and the money given to the poor. His excuse was “the poor you have with you always”? Why should they not be offended? He had just given such a convicting sermon about justice, addressing the way we treat the poor “as much as you have or have not done it unto the least of these you have done or not done it unto me”? Why was He now exempt from this wasteful extravagance on Himself?

-Why was He so scary to follow in the moment?


I understand the predicament Judas was in. He saw and admired so much in the Lord. He followed Him intrigued, was in His inner circle, weighed every word that came out of His mouth. He was compelled by the miracles and physically and emotionally moved by the excitement and anticipation in the crowds. Jesus provided the inspiration for his dreams and personal aspirations. He knew he was connected to the wagon that would not only topple the existing domination and subjugation by the Romans but would catapult him to places he could never have risen to on His own.

I have been in his shoes, intoxicated with prestige and power, convinced I too was connected to the wagon that would become the fulfillment of all of our dreams and aspirations. And it was God that led me there with scripture and verse. I’ve been in his shoes when God didn’t show up on time…when He was late and I went it on my own. I’ve walked the long dark valley of depression when a wet blanket covered all of my dreams and aspirations. I’ve been down the road of disillusionment and terror.

I get the fury in the disciples and the reasoning behind Judas’s decision to expose Jesus, for good hopefully. It was time to get on with the program, to hasten the day where He would rise to the anticipated expectations. King of the Kingdom in which all of their hopes and dreams would be fulfilled. or worst case scenario, exposed as a fraud. He had to know the truth and this would be Jesus doing or undoing. I get it.

What happens in your life when you are delighting in Him and following in His steps and:

All hell breaks loose?

He fails to show up on time?

The promise He gave you turns into saw dust?

You lose your wealth or position, your health, your house, wife and or kids?

You are disillusioned to the core?

What happens when the water is up to your neck and rising and he hasn’t shown up? Do you really think it would have been easier to believe if you had been back there with Him and the disciples? Do you think having Him physically with you right here right now would make things easier?

He said on the night He was betrayed “In the world you will have tribulation, it's going to get scary, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world”

How does this help?

Well this helps in every way imaginable… better than life itself..having Him in me makes all of the difference.

Here is the promise He made to His disciples and to me the night He was betrayed. “I am with you, but will be in you.” You know what is better than having Him with me right here right now? Having Him in me! The disciples had Him with them and it wasn’t enough. Not until the day of Pentecost did it all come together, and only on the day of Pentecost will it all come together for you and me as well.

What could be better than having him with me right here right now? He said having Him in me would be better and I for one am beginning to get it. It really is better.

What if Jesus lived in me?

If He lived in me I would never need fear again. That is the promise He made. He promised the Holy Ghost. The good news is My friend, Holy Ghost lives in me and will never leave me! I am never and will never be alone! He promised never to leave me, never to leave me alone. And when I'm scared and lean back into his presence I can follow Him, even when nothing around me makes sense.

He never promised me a rose garden. He never promised that I would understand. He never promised no dead ends. He promised His presence not just with me but also in me; His presence, His righteousness, His peace, His joy in the Holy Ghost. My friend Holy Ghost lives in me. It no longer matters if it rains, pours or floods. The water may be up to my neck and rising but I am OK because I am never, never alone!

I don’t need all of the answers. I don’t need to understand. He loves me. I trust Him. I am in Him and He is in me. And that is what takes the scary out of following. I am learning to live loved, to enjoy the friendship that is mine.

There is no formula. Go figure. Instead He is offering friendship. And that'’s the good news.

2 Cor.13- The amazing grace of the master Jesus Christ, the extravagant love of God, the intimate friendship of the Holy Ghost, be with you.

The Skill Saw Father - Part Three

Truth is, some one did have to pay. Truth is, He already did.

I have lived most of my life thinking God was in control. It’s only been in the last six years or so that I have begun to realize with growing amazement and thankfulness that He isn’t about control at all. Quite the opposite, He is about authority. He has all authority. That’s what Jesus said in my Bible. “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me (Jesus)… Mat 28:18.”

Jesus didn’t come live here with us, die for us and rise again so he could be in control. He came to give us His authority. Control and authority are two entirely different things; control operates in the reality of need, authority is about love.

My Bible also says that it was for freedom that Jesus set me free (Gal 5:1). While control enslaves, authority sets me free. My heavenly Father has been absolutely amazing at working His freedom in me. As He’s revealed His love – His presence, His goodness, I’ve begun to discover that His love conflicted greatly with the lie that was buried ever so deep in my subconscious. His love is always bigger than the lie.

I am daily choosing to believe a radical truth about the nature of God. This truth has changed everything. The truth? Goodness is not a sometimes deal with God.

Goodness is an extension of His nature, of His love. It’s absolute; it’s not a theory, or a concept. It’s a greater revelation. It’s a truth we can either believe fully or not at all. Our Heavenly Father is fully, completely good, all the time. And if we can learn to believe this, we have found the core value by which everything in life is measured.

As I have decided to believe the “good news” I’ve been set free. Free to discover all the wonders of His goodness.

I have scanned my memory and talked in depth with my siblings. In my thorough investigation, I am confident in this next statement being absolutely 100% true. My dad never used a Skill saw on my siblings or me to get our attention or to teach us any lessons. In fact, I am sure that it never even crossed his mind. Now I realize that my dad is one of the top ten dads in world history. But even if he were just an average dad, I am confident that the skill saw would never have entered the equation.

If my dad wants to get my attention, he calls me by my name – the one he gave me. If he wants to teach me something, he shows me by how he lives. If he wants to impart to me, he reveals his heart with his words and actions. He’s always wanted the best for me and to this day he places high value on my thumbs.

I believe that there is a great shift that takes place in our hearts the day we decide to agree with the truth that God is always good, that it is impossible for a good Father to use skill saws on his kids. When we see our Father as he truly is, we are free to discover the authority of His Love; the same Love that Jesus displayed, the same authority He died and rose again to give us.

This authority is the greater works love that answers every controlling need that humankind faces. Jesus said, all authority has been given to me in heaven and on earth, now go make disciples of all nations. (Matt 28:18) Essentially, now go live in the same authority.

Our authority is about becoming sure in His love, secure in his goodness. Our authority is found when we see the true nature of our heavenly Father and then chose to both agree and align our hearts in that revelation.

The Skill Saw Father - Part Two

If the truth sets us free, then a lie enslaves us. The lie that God is in control can make us horribly sick. When we believe that God is about control then we are forced to believe things that aren’t true and see things that aren’t real. That’s what happened to me.

I walked around for years subtly believing that the flu was the response to some sin in my life. When my car was broken into, God let it happen to help me refocus on the disciplines of my faith. When I didn’t get the job I wanted and needed, it probably was because I didn’t love God enough. If the furnace broke in my home, God may have instigated it so I could learn how to trust Him with my finances. Or maybe he was disciplining me because of my poor financial planning. Essentially, life’s hardships were sent or allowed by my Father to teach me how to live better, stay disciplined, and love Him more.

It’s not that I didn’t see and experience the goodness of God through life’s journey. It’s just that the power of His goodness was sadly reduced to the limits enforced by the lie that existed in my heart about His nature. I was enslaved to the lie that my Heavenly Father was a controlling bi-polar fella; one day full of love, the next wielding a skill saw. I lived insecure in my relationship with Him never sure what was next.

Whether saved or unsaved, what we believe about the nature of our God determines how we relate with Him and directly affects our freedom. When we believe that God is about control, then when something goes wrong, someone has to be blamed. If we are believers, then for the most part, we blame others or ourselves. For unbelievers it’s a little easier to blame God.

The news calls natural disasters “Acts of God.” And sadly, much of the church still teaches that the city struck by a disaster had it coming due to its sin. Thus revealing that we agree with the world’s assessment of a petty controlling God. That makes me sad…

If we believe God is about control, it affects everything. Every experience and encounter is filtered through the insecurity of our small God. A control-based perspective of God is evidenced from the subtle anxiety we experience in our heart when the furnace breaks down, to the blatant sense of righteousness when a rapist gets the death penalty. Control births blame and someone has to pay..

The Skill Saw Father - Part One

There were a couple years when my family lived in Western NY. We had a house on Cedar St, which was located just a few blocks from the church school we attended. At that time I was around eleven years old, my sister Aimee was ten, and my brother Joel was eight. Because we lived so close, we often walked to and from school.

Coming home from school one day, we discovered not only Moms car but also Dads truck in the driveway. Dad’s truck was never in the driveway before 5PM. We ran into the house excitedly looking for him. Mom met us at the door. Dad had been in an accident.

My dad had a construction company at the time and had been on a job site. Apparently while cutting a 2x4, the skill saw snagged on the wood, bounced out of his right hand and landed on the left. Then the saw proceeded to crawl up his arm. He had several deep gashes. The worst was his thumb, which he almost severed.

I walked into the bedroom with my brother and sister. Dad was in bed, his hand bandaged. He had been sleeping but was now awake and sitting up. He smiled at us. Then he showed us his bandages and told us how it happened, and how he should have been more careful, and how the doctors barely saved his thumb. Yes, it hurt, but he had medicine now and felt better. Yes, lots of blood…

When my dad finished explaining the accident, my brother and sister’s interest waned. Not me, I moved to the next - to me - obvious question. “Why did it happen?” I asked. I didn’t just want to know how; I had to know why. “Why” was one of my favorite questions as a kid. …It still seems to come up from time to time.

As a kid I put my dad in some tough situations with that question. “Dad, why did God let Keith Green die?” , “Dad, why does God let the African children die of hunger” And finally, “Dad, why do you think you nearly cut your thumb off, why would God let it happen?”

Youth Camp and Bertha

This was the place where girls and boys had a chance to intermingle, build relationships, learn to kiss and oh yeah, learn about the Bible. Bertha was the prettiest girl at camp and I began dreaming the moment I laid eyes upon her. She was dark tanned, with long straight dark hair that hid part of her face. I wasn’t given to sports, and camp was also a lot about sport and competition. All day I practiced my hoops and all night long I dreamed about Bertha and basketball. The other guys in the cabin got a good laugh as I yelled out in my sleep “ringer Bertha, ringer”. I was scoring and she was very impressed.

In real time I was quite awkward and uncoordinated. During the ball throwing event the Seppo boys were making quite the impression with their throwing arms. After Paul threw his ball one of the girls offered to be his marker. This started something and before I knew it all of the cool boys had thrown the ball and had acquired willing female markers.

The night before at the snack bar after church I had introduced myself to Bertha and the two of us had gone for a walk together. It was as close to heaven as I remember ever being and we laughed and told stories back and forth. The turn in bell rang and this was my last opportunity for the evening to show her my affection. She stood looking up at me as if to say, “here is your chance”. I had heard of these moments but being completely untrained I dove or ducked or lunged across the 3 or so feet between us and smashed into her nose. Our lips touched briefly but our foreheads and noses took the major part of the blow. I saw stars just like in the movies and then my nose started bleeding. Don’t you hate it when that happens? She turned quickly and ran out into the darkness. It wasn’t any thing like I had imagined.

Later that night I told Paul Seppo about my exploits. Paul was good at about every thing. He laughed and then explained to me the basics in case I might ever have that chance again. “First move closer until your bodies touch and then move in slow Lloyd, really slow, kind of from the side. Just slow down and take your time”. What a good friend he was becoming.

It was now my turn to throw the ball. There was no way to back out of it. “Come on Lloyd, Let’s see what you’ve got,” yelled Paul. To this day I still can’t get any distance out of a throw. The ball went half way out into the field, took a hard right and then started coming back at me. I saw Bertha waiting in anticipation on the sidelines out of the corner of my eye. She’d had her chance to become one of the other boys’ markers but she had chosen to wait for me. As my arm went back she started running out onto the field and then she too made a hard right and then all red faced started pretending she was picking daisies.

That night Paul was the lucky guy who got to take her for a walk. Even though I was much better looking, I knew it was only right.