Christmas...reflecting and dreaming!

Reflecting...
Mary and I have had the honor of sitting in the best seats of a what is becoming a full house, drinking in the sweetness, generosity and creativity of our children and grand children...

We were lucky enough to be at the first of what is becoming a long line....

Then add to that all of the joy we have received from our expanded family and friends.

Blessed beyond measure!

Dreaming...

More Lord!
Pour it on!
We love your presence most of all!
... and it's a sure thing . Thanks!

Merry Christmas to you all!

My Transformational Pillars

strongly influenced by Jason Clark, Bill Johnson, Wayne Jacobsen and Graham Cook

(all good company)

A/ I cannot afford to entertain an opinion about myself that God doesn't entertain!

To do so is to deny my truest identity in Him!

And give credence to the liar & my arch enemy!

(and it's all because of the cross!)

B/ I will not allow my relationship with my Father (or any one else for that matter)

to be determined by my need!

A relationship with my father based on desperation is dysfunctional!

(Because of the cross I now own and enjoy the relationship I always dreamed of!)

C/ Therefore-

I will live loved!

& Abide in Him!

My head against his chest!

Literally!

My prayer and my sweet spot!

so....what does abiding look like?

The sweet spot,

My head against His chest!

so...when I'm down and out,

when I'm lost and lonely,

when I'm discouraged,

tired,

indulgent,

lazy,

proud,

selfish,

or frustrated...my head against His chest!

Or... worried,

fearful,

weak,

wimpy

or powerless....

my head against His chest!

And within minutes....WHALLA....Transformation!!!

Tis so sweet,

my head against His chest,

(just like brotha John.)

I'm liking living loved too much!!!!

Why does He love me? by SP

Why Does God Love Me?



I was his idea and dream. More beautiful than all of His creation ..his
crown jewel ..and the pearl of great price. I was created a little lower
than the angels and crowned with glory and honor. Masterpiece..and center of
it all.



But my choice to choose sin destroyed His idea and dream. I became
unrecognizable from His original intent. To restore my original value..he
had to become what I was. He became sin who knew no sin..that I might become
his righteousness. He became unrecognizable so I could be redeemed! It took
the cross..and nothing less than the power of His shed blood to do this.



Wow. He must really love me.

I am now free to move about the cabin

Jesus said to Peter the night He was betrayed, "You are going to deny me" and then in the very next breath "don't let your heart be troubled". In other words, Peter you are a mess but don't worry about it. It's bad, really bad but I'm going to fix you! "

I'm going to prepare a place for you Peter, in Fathers Heart", (He wasn't speaking about a mansion just over the hill top). He was speaking about a place peculiar to Peter....a place with Peter's name on it in Father's heart....the place He had prepared for Peter in Father's heart before the worlds were made, a place that was otherwise entirely unreachable by Peter because of his predicament....so marred by sin....so poor, so weak, wretched man that he was.

Jesus was saying to Peter, "I am going to the cross to fix you once and for all. I am going to redeem your place of identity in father's heart, yours and my place as well.


George Mac Donald, C S Lewis' inspiration writes "Not only then has each man his individual relation to God, but each man has his peculiar relation to God. He is to God a peculiar being, made after His own fashion and that of no one else...hense he can worship God as no man else can worship, can understand God as no man else can understand God. This or that man may understand God better than he, but no other man can understand God as he understands Him.... In every man there is an inner chamber of peculiar life into which God only can enter. I say not that it is the innermost chamber but a chamber into which no brother nay no sister can come.


From this it follows that there is a chamber also (oh God humble and accept my speech) a chamber in God Himself into which none can enter but the one, the individual, the peculiar man, out of which chamber that man has to bring revelation and strength for his brethren. This is that for which he was made- to reveal the secret things of the Father"...some-what paraphrased with a little old English in it as my memory recalls.


This chamber MacDonald is speaking of was completely unreachable for Peter and for me because sin had so marred me... beyond recognition. But I am His creation, His crown jewel, apple of His eye and His pearl of great price.


The big question?
"What is man that you are mindful of him or the son of man that you should visit him...made a little lower than the angels, yet crowned with glory to rule over His creation."


Restoring me to my fullest potential, my created identity was a particular burden on Jesus heart as he faced the cross. For the joy set before Him (me and my tiny slot in history) he endured the cross. Scripture say's of Him, His visage was marred more than any other man. He actually became my sin.

How He looked on that cross was a complete identification with me and the damage sin had brought about in my identity. He not only spiritually but visually as well identified with my visage, so marred by sin because of love.

You see I am His uniquely crafted child.
There is a place in Father's heart with my DNA on it. It has always been there since way before time...a place He re-prepared for me on Calvary. I call it the Lloyd shaped vacuum in the heart of God.
Whoopie!!!


My and your identity destroyed by sin was fully restored at Calvary. Redemption means we were brought back to our original created value. That's the literal meaning of the word.


What actually transpired there you ask?
Jesus took my particular sins, the sin that so marred my identity, and so easily besets me, upon himself, was made to be that particular sin, and He destroyed it's power over me, setting me free to be a everything He dreamed about me before the worlds were created. (Full Redemption)

Sin now has no power over me. I have been restored to my original created value. I am my beloved's and He is mine and His banner over me is love...I am so loved by God.
I am now free to move about the cabin and grow up in all things into Him.


Roman's seven is no longer my story or Peter's
(Oh wretched man that I am, who will set me free?)


Roman's eight is now our story.
Thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ our Lord.

:inspired by association with Dan Mohler and Wayne Jacobsen

I will never be closer to God than I am right now!

I will never have a closer relationship with Jesus than I have right now!

Now that's a light that needs to be turned on! I mean right here right now, at this moment!

If what happened on the cross is really what happened than it's true.

I have been brought near by the blood of the cross....no enmity, no animosity, no distance...I am as close to Jesus as I can ever be...right here, right now, just as I am.

Nothing I do can make me any closer; neither prayer, bible reading, church attendance, fellowship, repentance, or righteous living.

Nothing I can do will bring Him closer!

Nothing I can do will make Him leave!

He did it all....took care of the sin issue once and for all and promised never to leave me, never to leave me alone.

Breath on that for a while, like every free moment you get!

Wishing He were here, pleading for Him to come, desperation for His presence is no longer where you or I live. He has come! He is here! He has never left me! From the moment He came...

Lord, give me greater revelation of this truth. I chose to believe and live in it's reality ...so there will be more of you and less of me.

Well... shall I sin that grace may abound?

You've got to be kidding!

Why would I want to, when grace abounds?

He lost His bearings!

I am finding this a new daily exercise....being loved by the most amazing of fathers and no longer living with a morbid consciousness of sin.

And it all started at the cross!

"What is so amazing about the cross" you ask?

Oh, I am so glad to tell you.

It continues to be my newest and bestest discovery.

I am beginning to get it. Give me another 20 years.

I am driving into Charlotte to work these days laughing and crying my way in as He loves on me. I have to compose myself before I enter my work zone lest they all think I am crazy.

My circumstances haven't changed much. Still in a tough spot on many sides but it has less and less effect on my day's any more. I am so loved by God!

Alright, I give.

Here is a small piece of it.

The cross is all the proof I need that I am loved. Circumstances may or may not line up according to my schedule but the cross was where Jesus, because of love so identified with me and my condition and through it broke the power of sin forever over me. Hallelujah!

He became sin, my sin. Like I said before, it wasn't the cross that killed Him. It was my sin and the sin of the whole world. There was no sin in Him. He couldn't die no matter what they threw at Him.

But when He took my sin upon Himself and because of it lost His bearings. He really did lose His bearings. He had never lived one minute of His life outside of His relationship with His Father. The closest thing to it was in the wilderness. But this was a thousand times worse. He could not see His Father. Sin had the same effect on Him that it has on us. It blinded Him of His Father's presence and His truest identity.

When He cried out "My God, My God why have you forsaken me," He was feeling the impact of my sin, the same impact that you and I are so familiar with. I don't want to be presumptuous but I believe in the darkness of that hour He lost His bearings, His truest identity. It felt like God had some how turned His back on Him. The scourging, the nails in His feet and hands, the crown of thorns and the rejection He was experiencing from the sneering mob were terrible but nothing compared to the isolation, loneliness and abandonment He felt in that moment from His Father. I believe it was in that crushing moment, when He became my sin and the sin of the whole world.

Even though it were not true. Even though the Father was in Christ at that moment reconciling the world to Himself, from His perspective there was not a shred of evidence that it were true. Sin had so blinded His eyes that He felt not an iota of the love that was in the room.

The Father had not left for even an instant. Scripture is clear on that. God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit were identifying with us in our sinful state and through it providing the act that for all of creation would allow us to become friends with God. This was the plan of the ages. The culminating focal point in all of history. When Adam and Eve sinned Father, Son and Holy Spirit already knew what our redemption would cost them.

Marred beyond recognition, He exactly represented for all to see the marring that sin had produced in you and me. Sin had so destroyed our truest identity and on the cross He mirrored our depravity. Then in the midst of the horror he also experienced the lostness that is the dilemma of every man and woman born since Adam and Eve. "My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?"

And in that moment of complete darkness, on your and my behalf He chose to entrust Himself to the Father. "Father into your hands I commit my spirit." "I still BELIEVE, I still BELIEVE, I still BELIEVE." And then he died.

And in that moment the power of sin was broken.

Paul writes, "It is no longer I that live, but Christ who lives in me and the life I live in this flesh, I now live by the Faith OF the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

LaughOutLoud...Go ahead!

We now get to live form His Faith. When yours and mine runs out, when we feel pressed in by life and circumstances take a good look at the Faith of Jesus. We now get to live off His Faith in His darkest moment.

"How blessed we are at the end of our rope, for when we are at the end of our rope there is less of me so there can be more of Him."

And how blessed to no longer be living my life with a consciousness of sin. Really I mean it! This is the miracle that I am beginning to enjoy every day and how cool it is.

HE LOVES ME!

Thank you Jesus!

Loved by God

A new command, (different than the Old Covenant commandments) I give to you. "Love one another as I love you."

Imagine yourself sitting down and God in Christ , creator of all that is, coming over to you with a basin of water and a towel and one after the other washing the dirt off your feet and drying them. And imagine that accepting this one act is the entrance into every thing Jesus.

I mean imagine it right now! Go ahead and imagine Him, the God of the universe washing and drying your feet as the pre-requisite for relationship.

Does that blow you away? Is that humbling or what?

He then says "If I your Lord and teacher have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet."

The revelation of "being loved" is absolutely essential for "living loved."

Prayer, Bible reading, fasting, foot washing, giving etc. are the privilege of lovers, the response of being loved, never the means of attaining it.

You will never be more loved than you are right now. You will never be closer to God than you are right now.

Our joy in life is to discover and live daily in the fresh revelation of His love and nearness, experiencing the transformation it brings in us and around us, Joy, health, color, fragrance and flavor for you and your world.

Double Rainbow

Peter said "no way, you will never wash my feet."

Jesus responded, "If I do not wash you, you have no part in me."

Refusing to let Jesus wash my feet excludes me from not just his friendship but everything else. He says "I would have NO PART in Him."

The correct response would be "Lord, don't just wash my feet, wash me all over." But Jesus corrected Peter with "If you have had a bath you only need your feet washed."

Now that is a double rainbow right there! "WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?"

We can't just skip over this and proceed to the cross.
This was also the same night He would die as our sin and for our sin, by far the largest act of love God would accomplish on our behalf....but there is something really big right here.

God wants to wash my feet?

He carried my sin upon the cross.

He became sin for me.

But He also wants to serve me by washing my feet?

My approval gives me access to everything Jesus! but my refusal is ultimately my rejection of everything Jesus. If I let Him wash my feet I get everything, if I refuse I get nothing!

Nothing I can do qualifies me; neither fasting, prayer, foot washing, Bible reading, or church going.

The above "must do list" is for children in a dysfunctional or rather schizophrenic relationship with their heavenly Father! (The relationship is on again, off again, depending on me and what I am doing.)

I will never be closer to Jesus than I am when He washes my feet. I will never be closer to God than I am in this endearing moment. This is my daily quest! This pre-qualifies me for everything Jesus....discovering His love in the mundane ordinary life I live, in between my toes.

It is called "living loved."

Hahahahhahaha....double rainbow in the sky!

Friendship with Jesus, fellowship divine, OH what precious sweet communion, Jesus is a friend of mine!

Double Rainbow

Peter said "no way, you will never wash my feet."

Jesus responded, "If I do not wash you, you have no part in me."

Refusing to let Jesus wash my feet excludes me from not just his friendship but every thing else. He says "I would have NO PART in Him."

The correct response would be "Lord, don't just wash my feet, wash me all over."

But Jesus corrected Peter with "If you have had a bath you only need your feet washed."

Now that is a double rainbow right here! "WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?"

This was also the night He would die as our sin and for our sin.

Bird watching and sky diving

Things change as you age. Judson Cornwall used to talk about young love being exciting and old love being soothing. Bi-focals, fake teeth, spare parts and taste buds....speaking of taste buds, peas and carrots can now be interchanged with hot fudge sundaes and bird watching for roller coasters. Speaking of bird watching, a few years back Mary bought me a new bird feeder for Christmas. It was green and had a perch for the birds to sit on and enjoy the sun flower seeds. When the snakes and squirrels jumped on it it would close. Speaking of snakes, the bird feeder would bring some pretty amazing snakes into the yard as well and that's where the bird feeder became the best of entertainment. Any-way's speaking of Christmas, Joel not knowing the true adventure that could be found in bird feeders thought mom's gift was a little lame. And he purchased a sky diving ticket for me with an expiration date.

Now Joel has not always lived a little over the top. His place of being the youngest and cutest kid in the family was stolen from him at the age of twelve. That was when he became the middle child and a whole lot less significant. He fixed all of that by consciously choosing to live life on the edge. So when Joel is around we all are required to live there with him or feel insignificant ourselves. That's why when Joel moved to Africa, it was good for all of us.

But periodically he would come home and everything would change for a couple of weeks. A couple of years back he booked a wild water rafting trip for us all. It was also at Christmas and both the water and air temperature were close to freezing. Anyone who protested at these ideas was quickly labeled and would become the brunt in the newest story.

Now I actually have great memories of white water rafting but they were allways in the summer. Needless to say as I am gracefully aging, what I remember as being an exhilarating experience turned into a horror movie. The scenes of my life passed quickly before my eyes and I knew it was over. I wasn't only freezing to death, I was drowning as I was being swept on my rear end through the last of the number four's and five's in a series of rapids. It was at least the sixth time we had been thrown out of the boat. We couldn't just ride the sane larger boats, no we must experience the river in all of it's power and glory in the smaller, unstable, properly named, rodeo boats. Our guide was primarily interested in the opportunities presented to him when the boat would roll and lose it's occupants. By the last time of throwing us in the water he had proudly learned how to be king of the boat.

After an hour of standing in the hot shower bringing my body temperature back to normal I began to meditate on why I would actually feel compelled to join in the fun when I could be at home watching the birds.

Knowing my love for birds Joel decided that buying me a sky diving ticket would bring him back into his place of honor and respect in the family.

He called the other day and told me it was now or never. The ticket he had purchased a few years back would expire if not used. Reality began to sink in and I knew I had to follow through. It had been haunting me for the past three years.

Only today as I look back can I enjoy what transpired yesterday. I grinned at myself in the mirror this morning.

Yesterday I was plummeting towards earth at one hundred miles an hour with the pain of jet engines screaming in my ears. As the shoot opened and the calm took effect I was in contortions with the pain of not just the sound but the pressure produced from the five thousand foot drop. I have also found that aging has made my ears a whole lot more sensitive. Everything about the experience was uncomfortable. The straps were binding, cutting off the air. My goggles were fogging up, sweat pouring off my face. I was sitting on the lap of a young man for the ten thousand foot climb in a stifling hot 1957 model Sesna, trying to make light talk. "How are the kids. Do to you like jumping?" He mentioned he enjoyed the previous jump with the twenty eight year old hottie on his lap a lot more. I could understand that.

The view out the door was amazing. I was in the zone. Jason was right behind us waiting for us to roll out into the wind. My stomach was in my throat and one, two three we were off. I don't remember seeing any birds on the way down.

Today I am back home with my bird feeder. Mary and I are both relieved to have this experience in our rear view mirror and I'm relishing the memory of my close brush with death again. Joel is coming for a visit next week. I am planning a bird watching expedition. I think he'll like that.

In search of better story?

I am on the precarious edge of better story.

I am reading Heidi Baker's book out loud to Mary, sobbing my way through it. I have never heard the sermon on the mount taught the way she teaches it with such simplicity and story. She models "living loved" as I have never heard or seen except in the Jesus story. She puts flesh around the sermon on the mount with such simplicity and beauty. All of a sudden biblical words like "abiding in the vine", "rest"," being in Christ", "trust" "meekness", "hunger", "poor in spirit", come alive as she simply "lives loved". No fear, no shame, no guilt, no condemnation.....just story after story of the power of "living loved".

Good versus Evil, heroes, villains, adventure, romance, courage, compassion, triumph, defeat, miracles and Love, preposterous amounts of Love. In all reality the story is a love story beginning in the heart of God and being fleshed out in sons and daughters through the simplicity of a faith marked by love .... and with it, the hope of better story for all of the rest of us as we too learn to "live loved".

The name of the book...Compelled by LOVE.

I'm pretty cool for an old guy!

LOL. My sister in law Joy, just sent me a birthday card with some condolences inside..."it's not that bad". She has been there and done that and survived to tell the story.

Jason mentioned the scripture about old men dreaming dreams. It is actually quite the miracle. Dreaming is as natural as breathing for a young child but by the time you get to be my age life has knocked you around considerably and cynicism and sarcasm come much easier.
"What? You want to do what? Be a rock star? Be a pastor? Be hockey player? Jump out of a plane? You have got to be kidding!"


But God is Good.
And I am loved.
I am in a new growth spurt, anticipating, dreaming again.
It's a new season.
My message is being refined.
My story is amazing!
I am wealthy beyond measure...where it really counts!
My wife is every thing I ever dreamed she would be.
My kids believe!
My grand kids are more fun than ice cream!
My friends enrich my life!
And adventure awaits, risking, investing, giving and becoming love.
It is a miracle....old men can still dream.

by Bob Sorge sweet! I couldn't write this better myself!

When you come before God, how does He look at you? Your answer to that question is vitally important to the success of your secret life with God, and the accuser knows it. The accuser wants you to see a Father who is harsh, demanding, never satisfied with your performance, mostly disappointed with you, and frustrated with the rate of your spiritual growth.

If that caricature of your heavenly Father is even close to the image you carry on the inside, that false idea of how God views you will begin to drive your emotional responses to Him. You will be wearied with trying to please Him, and your spirit will not soar in the liberty of loving adoration that He has designed for you.

Nothing is deadlier to the secret place than a false idea of how God views you; and nothing is more powerfully energizing than when your mind is renewed in the word of God and you come to understand how He looks on you. When you gain ownership of the fact that God is smiling on you, that He is desiring your company, and that He longs to be intimate with you, then the truth of that reality starts to touch your emotional chemistry, and you actually begin to feel attractive to God!This attainment has the power to change everything about how you relate to God.

It all starts with understanding how God feels about the cross of Christ. Revelation 5:6 describes Jesus as a Lamb standing before the eternal throne “as though it had been slain.” In other words, the death of Christ is as fresh to God’s mind as the day it happened. Time will never erase from before God’s eyes the immediacy of the horror of Calvary, and the powerful atoning work of the blood of Christ. God is eternally and infinitely passionate about His Son’s cross! Those who place their faith in this great demonstration of love come under the intense favor of God Almighty. Your faith in Christ’s sacrifice unlocks the infinite passions and delights of an exuberant God who yearns to be joined to your heart in eternal affection. Because you have set your love upon the One whom the Father has set His love upon, you now have an automatic “in” with God. You’re His child; you’re family.

When you know you’re attractive to God, you come into His presence with boldness. You come into His presence the way He wants you to, with a lifted face, with expectant eyes, with a delighted smile, with an eager voice, and with a burning heart.

He doesn’t enjoy you any less because you struggle. He knows your weakness, He sees your failures, but yet He owns you as His child and enjoys you even when you fall! He loves it when you pick yourself up and keep stepping forward again into His arms. How comforting to know we can bring the entire package of our inadequacies and shortcomings into His presence and know that He lovingly embraces us and delights in us! He enjoys us at every stage of the maturity process.

Psalm 45:11 tells us how our beloved Lord feels when He looks at us: “So the King will greatly desire your beauty.” This is how the King looks at His bride who has left everything in order to be joined to her Husband. You are stunningly beautiful to Jesus! When He looks upon your beauty, He longs to have you and hold you, for ever and ever. When you come to the secret place, you are coming into the chambers of the King who finds you both beautiful and desirable. Not only do you long for His presence, He longs for yours!

Maybe we could call this “the secret of appeal.” It’s the secret of understanding that He finds us appealing. This understanding empowers us to desire His chambers on a continual basis. As we come into His glorious presence we are changed into His image (2 Corinthians 3:18), and the continual transformation into Christ’s image causes us to be—if it were possible—even more attractive to Him! As the bride adorns herself with “the beauties of holiness” (Psalm 110:3), the lavish affections of a lovesick God are only intensified. What 1 Peter 3:3 calls “the hidden person of the heart” is made increasingly beautiful in the hidden place of the Most High, where “the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” is perfected through intimacy.

It’s here that the bride begins to cry, “Set me as a seal upon your heart” (Song of Solomon 8:6). The bride is saying to her Beloved, “Cause Your life to be bound up in my life. Cause the primary affections of Your heart to be fastened upon me. Make me the center of Your universe. I don’t want You to feel anything without including me. I want to share every passion of Your heart. I want Your thoughts to become my thoughts. I want to be joined to You in love.”

It’s a cry to become His soul mate. A soul mate is someone who not only arrives at the same conclusions as you, but who gets to those conclusions the same way you do. They think like you. Their line of reasoning aligns with yours. You have the same thought processes and responses to life situations. Jesus is turning His bride into His soul mate, and the secret place is where that love is incubated and enflamed.

Not only are you attractive to Jesus, but you are also embraced passionately by your heavenly Father! He describes you as “the apple of His eye” (Deuteronomy 32:10; Zechariah 2:8), which means He guards and values you as you do the very pupil of your eye.

The description of Jacob’s preoccupation with his son Benjamin parallels our Father’s preoccupation with us:

“Now therefore, when I come to your servant my father, and the lad is not with us, since his life is bound up in the lad’s life, it will happen, when he sees that the lad is not with us, that he will die. So your servants will bring down the gray hair of your servant our father with sorrow to the grave” (Genesis 44:30-31).

They said of Jacob that “his life is bound up in the lad’s life.” Jacob represents your heavenly Father. Your Father’s life is also “bound up” in the life of His beloved children. He lives when He sees that you live; He thrills when He sees you fulfilled; He rejoices when you are liberated; He is content when you are at rest. He construed this awesome thing called “redemption” because His heart is bound up in yours. You are the center of God’s universe!

Jesus testified to this truth when He prayed to the Father, “‘That the world may know that You…have loved them as You have loved Me’” (John 17:23). Think of it! God loves us just as much as He loves His only begotten Son! He feels the same way about us that He feels about His holy, spotless, selfless Son. Incredible!!

God feels much more deeply and passionately about me than I do about Him. Even when my passions are burning hot and bright for Him, they do not approach the intensity of His love for me. Here’s one way I’ve noticed this to be true. The intensity of my love is very limited because I can only think upon one thing at a time. So when I work or go about the duties of the day, cognitive thoughts of God actually disappear totally from my mind. My mind will return to the Lord a few hours later, but for certain periods of time I’m not even thinking about Him. But He never stops thinking about me. His eyes are constantly riveted on me, and His mind is incessantly focused on who I am and who He is making me to be. When I return to thoughts of Him, the immediate witness of the Spirit is, “I’ve been here all along, waiting for you. I love you so much!” He waits for you to come to Him!

He waits all night long, watching over you, waiting for you to rise, hoping that He might be the first thought of your morning. You don’t have to wonder if He wants you to come into the secret place. He has been waiting for you, and He’ll continue to wait for as long as necessary—because His heart is bound up in your life.

May you have grace from above to truly own the reality of his powerful secret: God finds you attractive! “Lord, may I never again withhold myself from Your embrace!”

Written by Bob Sorge (Copyright © 2010) – More about Bob and his books Here

A legacy

I was shouting as loud as I could and only got the attention of a few of the people around me. My mother had died of cancer a few months earlier and we, my siblings and I were traveling through Chicago with my dad on our way east to meet our new mother. My dad was planning on marrying his first sweet heart, the girl he had never had the courage to follow through with the first time around. She was now fifty and had never married and she was to become our new mother. We had been riding the rail from the west coast and decided to take a break in Chicago. Dad had taken us to the old historic mission. It was testimony time and I had a testimony. I was asked to repeat it and then I was told to get up and stand on the chair and say it again as loud as I could so I bellered out "I love Jesus and Jesus loves me". That time it worked. The crowd applauded and nice comments were made from the stage, people wanted to shake my hand and I was hooked. I was going to be a preacher. It felt good, really good. But I needed a great story, you know the kind of story that makes people cry and want to get right with God. For many years I grieved about the smallness of my story....Christian kid, Christian home. (Although we did brand a kid's bare bum one day for swearing in our Christian club. We were serious about God's love).

A few weeks later with our new mother and all we were again at a revival meeting some where in Ontario. I don't remember much but when the alter call was made I slipped out of my seat and made my way by myself all the way through the stadium to the front and from there was ushered into a side room where counselors were waiting to pray with those wanting to give their lives to Jesus. I was only five years old and went completely undetected. In a corner all by myself I fell on my knees and invited Jesus into my heart. The tears flowed freely and the warmth of His presence filled the room and I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that I was loved and forgiven. I now had the real story and I was going to be a preacher some day just like Billy Graham and Oral Roberts, two of our families real life heroes.

My birth mother was the first in a family of preachers. My heritage is rich. I am now looking back over these past 55 years. I have done my share of preaching and have enjoyed the applause of men and God. My story has undergone much tribulation and trial along the way. I have had to fight for it. It didn't come easy but this is my story ... this is my song. "He loves me". I fulfill a longing in His heart as does He in mine. He is satisfied in me and I am satisfied in Him. Day after day the revelation grows. He loves me isn't just a chapter in the book. It is the book and every chapter is a spin off of that one central theme. He loves me is the center and the focal point of life.

And that is the legacy I leave for my kids. That is my ceiling and their floor. Knowing that I am loved by God is the best gift I could give them. Here in is Love. Not that we love Him but that He loves us. They will have to fight for that one like I had to but hopefully not as hard. His legacy as is mine is a legacy of love. And this truth in their kids and grand kids will color and flavor this world. This testimony (God's love story) is the Power of God to Salvation to everyone who Believes.

Satisfied

God is most glorified (beautifully expressed, on display) in me when I am most satisfied in Him ( John Piper's life motto)

Lord, you satisfy me, my delight is in You, all my springs of joy are in you.

What to do with the new and improved 3D Playboy Magazine???

I used to think I only had two options, two choices. I have learned that we actually have three options, three choices.

I was watching the news last evening minding my own business in the privacy of my home and there on the screen was a very interesting proposition for every virile young man in America.... a must see proposition, new, attractive and unusual and within every one of our reach. Playboy's new and improved 3D version complete with glasses. Fresh and bold! Now these propositions are readily available any and every where we look...right in the center of our gardens.

My religious side (the elder brother) thought hmm, I must pretend like I didn't see it and look away fast especially if some one else is in the room. I must tell myself that this is very disgusting and harmful. I must suppress any more thoughts along this line and abruptly and verbally condemn the idea, as attractive as it seems. Resist! Run! Hide!

My self indulgent side (the younger brother) thought hmm, this could be interesting, I wonder what I may be missing, I should really be up on these new and improved ideas so I will know how, what, why, where and who. (of coarse to instruct any weaker brethren.) What could it hurt and who will need to know?

Now I know these first two choices very well. How am I doing so far?

The third choice (as the beloved child of our Abba father) is becoming more and more clear to me. My father loves me more than any one ever has or ever will. (He proved it by taking my sin into his own body and destroying it's power on the cross in order to fix what for so long has been broken in my relationship with my Father.) Because I am so loved by Him I can trust Him in this decision and just say no. I actually have that power to choose for His and my best interest. He knows me, He loves me, and He has empowered me to chose correctly. Every thing He desires of me is for my best. I can absolutely trust Him in this. No good thing will He withhold from me.

It is interesting that the tree had center stage in the sanctuary of the garden as it still does even in the privacy of our homes and lives. Free choice is an amazing thing. It is free and mine to make and to think that God loves me regardless of the choices I will make...Wow! I have discovered that every one of the choices above will eventually bring me closer to Him. The first two will take a little longer and have a high degree of pain or consequence. They both will effect my relationship with my loving Father whether I choose religiously or just indulge but as in the garden even wrong choices eventually bring us to the right choice, born from the revelation that God is amazingly good, He loves us and is always out for our best and completely trust worthy. It is often the self indulgent that discover that first. Suppression will definitely have some benefits but not where they count in relationship with Father. He's not impressed. He desires more than that. A relationship that flows from love is the end goal. And once I know He loves me, my obedience becomes a non issue because my trust in Him prevents me from choosing poorly.

He loves me is all I need to know to trust His will...whatever proposition the enemy of that relationship conjures up.

Should we sin that grace may abound? Sometimes that is truly what it ends up looking like as ridiculous as that idea is. (Paul said!)

Forgiveness- head to heart!

A friend (Steve) and I get together every Wednesday morning for about an unscripted hour before our days begin. I am finding it much preferable to the canned and formatted meetings I have been accustomed to over my long religiously oriented life span. We just fell upon each other. He moved here from the great white north last year. Maybe it was that in our introduction we found a number of things in common or maybe not. There is one old guy and one young guy. One of us will burst into song or poetry or just quiet reflection and prayer. It isn’t uncommon for tears to be streaming down our faces or belly laughter. No rules. No agenda, just two guys finding friendship and encouragement in each others company, and learning from each other how to be better husbands, fathers and lovers. I guess if there were any agenda it would be that we are actually learning how to live loved. Hmm, I guess I had never thought about that.

Now I personally have been in a business funk lately that on most days feels to have been without beginning or ending. It has become my new norm. Once upon a time I had great ideas that usually panned out but over the past six or seven years I have lost my magic. I was rehearsing to Steve the story of how my former employee had ripped me off. He was a young man with much potential that had been referred to me by trusted friends. All of his references checked out and I had him come into my Charlotte store as the store manager. He was a Godsend and his participation in the business was so timely. It wasn’t long before I was treating him like a son and turning more and more of the business into his capable hands. He signed a non compete with me and I envisioned him becoming a partner and eventually running the business.

He was also the youth pastor in a local church and he told me a beautiful story one day about how he had come to Christ. His former job had him working for a national window company as a regional rep and he was becoming their up and coming wonder boy in the corporation. But he had seen opportunity to pad sales and also to make some money under the table and had been caught in the act. He was called into the boardroom one day and when he noticed all the owners and superiors in the room he immediately knew what was going on. When confronted with the evidence the room went dark and he fell on his knees. He said that immediately he looked up and saw a nail scarred hand reaching down towards him. It was in that moment of incredible mercy that he resolved to give his life to Christ. End of the story he lost his 6 digit income but found his Savior and gained wealth beyond measure, the pearl found in the field, worth giving up every thing for. Great Story!

Like I said, I loved the guy like a son and entrusted him with our store. Long story short, within a year and a half my business was suffering. It was a start up and like most start-ups was very fragile any ways. We were just beginning to experience a slow down in new construction that had been our bread and butter. As we slowed down in sales our finances became more and more critical. I finally resolved that I needed to get back involved and as difficult as it was I was forced into the decision of letting this young man go. I had offered him a position as a strait commission sales person but he felt it best for himself personally to find employment with a salary elsewhere.

On his last day with me I received a letter from my number one installer who thanked me for the opportunity of working for me and also informed me that he and my manager were launching a similar new business as partners. (This installer took about 48 hours to realize that he had made a mistake and immediately and sincerely apologized. He still is our number one installer.) Now this came as a surprise. When I got to the office on the Monday I found that my manager had wiped the computer clean and the light began to dawn on me that I had been had. As the days turned into weeks I began to discover that my manager had robbed me blind. I now know what that means. The list was a long one. Cash money taken from customers under the table, Changing of paper work to hide the trail. Leads from my company sold through his new company. Gas, hotels, tools, equipment, vehicle rentals, meals at restaurants and on and on as well as evidence of marital unfaithfulness. Wow, what a surprise! The loss of business and thievery caused me considerable harm but the hardest part of the scenario was the betrayal I felt, from a trusted friend.

It has now been two years since this ordeal. I sat across from him and his wife in a county court house the other day as he declared bankruptcy. I was just one of his creditors but the only one that showed up for the hearing. There wasn’t any love between us at that table. I had won a $60,000. judgment that was now slipping through my fingers because of the bankruptcy. The words spoken at the table were not sweet. I had tried to hold his feet to the fire and was the one getting burned.

It was Wednesday morning and I was sharing with Steve about this guy with not a little sarcasm and frustration. What should I do? How should I hold his feet to the fire? Wouldn’t it be appropriate to for me to let his pastor know ho he had on his staff? What about all those young people? If I were one of their parents I would surely want to know. I was counting off my accusations. He is a liar, a cheat, and a fraud. He is a womanizer. He is a scumbag. He had shown no remorse or repentance. He had been caught with his hand in the jar and had verbally said he was sorry but had made no attempt towards restitution or reconciliation and now he was getting off Scott free what ever that means.

Steve stopped me mid track and asked me “who did you say this guy is?” And he had me repeat my long litany of disgust. “Lloyd” he said, “you are describing me to a T.” Don’t you hate it? Steve went into the story of his life, scumbag, cheat, fraud, womanizer. Darn it! What could I say? Truth can be a painful and shocking experience.

The next day I am making a delivery to a dealer of ours in Myrtle Beach and I find myself driving through the town where this guy lives, and I am praying. “ God I sure don’t like this guy. I don’t have any love for him in my heart. God if you want me to forgive him I guess I can do it in my head but I sure don’t have it in my heart and that’s where it counts. And God I can’t change my heart. Only you can. Please God change my heart.” I am driving along and remembering that I have a daddy in heaven that really loves me and if I really knew He loved me I could trust Him with this whole situation. In fact if I was 5 years old in my dad’s lap this wouldn’t even be a problem. I would be so secure in His arms and would have complete confidence that He was big enough to get me through this whole ordeal. You know what? I am driving down the road and my father begins to speak into my heart. “Lloyd, I was there when you went through this whole ordeal. I felt the betrayal and the loss. I experienced the pain with you. You were not a lone. I was there and I am with you now and you need to know that you are in my care and you will be OK. I am your daddy and you are not a lone.” By this time I am sobbing uncontrollably. God was just loving on me, reminding me who I was and of the relationship we had, and of the fact that He could be trusted with everything. Oh the vividness of that memory as I write it out. I can’t do it justice. It was sweet and endearing. He loves me!

It is interesting that on my return trip as I drove through that town again my thoughts went out to the young man who had done me so much harm. The amazing thing about the story is that some thing had changed in my heart. A miracle had transpired. I began to pray for him and bless him. “ God save this young man from himself. The miracle happened in the 18 inches from my head to my heart. What I couldn’t do from my head I was now able to do from my heart. I was reminded of Jesus having the 12 disciples around him and one of them being a Judas. He didn’t love Judas any more or less than he loved Peter and John. I was also reminded of how much Jesus loved the sinners, Zacheus and the woman at the well and the woman caught in adultery. Sin is it’s own punishment. The man who sin’s dies. It isn’t my job to place judgment on any one. I was reminded of how much the Lord loved the Scribes and Pharisees. In the very portion of scripture where He excoriated them for their hypocrisy He also said “how oft I would have gathered you as a hen gathers her chicks under her wing” with the most genuine and endearing expression of love. Love covers a multitude of sin.

I am still learning. As my mother said in her nineties, “God still has much character to work into me”. He is so good at love! The Beatles were right. Love will change the world. Being loved by God was the only way that doing the right thing could actually become the right thing. God isn’t interested in our religious attempts at righteousness. He is interested in changing our hearts and that is the miracle that happens as we learn to live loved. It is the miracle that he performs in our other wise hard hearts.

Thanks Steve my friend, and thanks to you my Father. I am so loved by you!

And __________ I love you, but much bigger than that you too have a father who loves you more than any one ever has or ever will. There is nothing you can do to make Him love you any more and there is nothing you can do to make Him love you any less. I speak blessing over your life. May God continue to love you into His image and may you grow into the man of God He has called you to be. I forgive you man and love you. You are in my prayers! Live loved my friend!

His Dream?

He who knew no sin became sin for me.

I have been taught that the Father chose to punish His Son instead of me. If that were really true, what kind of a father must He be? Definitely not the endearing Father I have come to know. That kind of thinking distorts the whole story. He didn't die just to take my punishment. No, Father, Son and Holy Spirit devised a plan much bigger. He became sin for us and during those long torturous hours hanging on that cross the power of sin over us was destroyed. Death could only come at the point of Christ becoming sin, yours and mine. And He endured the all consuming fury of God on our behalf. Wrath can be described as the full weight of God's presence and power arrayed on behalf of the ones He loves.

If it is God's wrath that consumes sin and if the redemptive plan was to consume sin in sinful flesh what must it have taken for God Himself to become our sin and endure the fury of the wrath our sins deserved.... enduring until the lights went out so that we might be saved? This would have made the physical tortures of the cross pale in comparison.

Jesus not only entered the utter depths of the pain, darkness, shame, and anguish to which sin can drive humanity, but He also endured the full weight of God's being warring against that sin to it's utter destruction.

By enduring to the end, Jesus allowed sin to be fully conquered in Him. It's spell over humanity was broken and no longer does any one have to be consumed by sin itself or God's wrath against it. The antidote not only worked in Him, but produced in His blood a fountain of life as well.. Transfused into a person who desires it, His blood can cleanse us of sin and reunite us with the Father Himself, fulfilling the dream that He had in the beginning when He decided to create man and women and place them in the center of His creation.

His dream? You and me and Him (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) in relationship!